Aug. 03, 2005 - 04:39
"here in this diary, i write you visions of my summer..."
i woke up and looked at the clock. it was three thirty in the morning.
"oh, no," i exclaimed
"what?" he asked
"i have to go home."
jae just started a new job with the city. he wakes up at five and has to be at work a little before six. it's ten and a half hours long. he's been going to bed around seven, which has been difficult for him with me around.
last night i was only going to stay at his house for an hour, to provide him with the ability to sleep.
he didn't want me to leave when it was time, and neither did i. i was heavy with sleep and laid down at his side.
for what i thought would only be thirty minutes. :)
as i left i inhaled the cold morning air. "i'll always remember this. every time i breathe in air this cold, this calm i'll remember him. like portland."
he is my state of mind.
we are the perfect couple.
i'm trying to stay awake now so i can get used to his schedule. i'll wake up when he does so i can fall asleep when he does.
last night as i left his house, he walked me to my car and walked back in his house. as i turned around to head out his street, he came running out of the house, jumping over the fence to kiss me goodbye one last time.
you know what? i fear death so bad. i fear something will happen to me that will separate us. i pray to God it's not my time. please.