Aug. 02, 2005 - 12:10
wake me up cuz i must be dreaming
wake me up, shake me awake. i can't believe i'm this graced to have a boy like jae.
i really might think he is the one, and i'm so scared to even think of it, because loving him comes with the fear of losing him.
we both have this fear. last night he told me that he's scared because he's become so attached to me. i asked him why and he replied,
"they think you might have cancer."
"no, they are watching to see if i have it, they don't think i have cancer."
"that's the same thing, babe."
"no, it's different. i'll give you an example. my brother always tells me he's going to fart on my face when i'm asleep. i don't actually think he'll do it, but i watch him everytime he walks past my room just in case."
"now your brother's going to fart on your face, then they'll tell you you have cancer."
our fear of separation, what makes us beautiful, is that we are not scared of mental separation. we want each other in each of our lives until we die, even if we end up not being together. this boy truly deserves the best, and if i can't provide that for him for whatever reason, i WANT him to be with someone that can.
our fear of separation isn't about our relationship, it's about natural separation such as death and distance.
he might attend a school 9 hours away next year. i told him i would visit him every week i could.
my best friend, nicole, did the same for her boyfriend. there were times where she would visit him 3 out of the 4 weeks of every month (weekends that is). i told jae if she can do it, i can do it just as well for him. and my car could use the mileage on it anyway.
i really think he is the one.
these are roses from yesterday.
