2004-11-23 - 9:49 p.m.
mmmrrrn
one of the biggest rings on this site is the one created for anorexia. not anti-anorexi or even a support system of any form, just a whole bunch of bull-shit i'm a depressed teenage girl passively aggressively dealing with my problems, this is who i am fuck blah blah blah.
yeah, we all have problems, but if i do one fucking thing this whole entire fucking year that would be to help someone see how the state-of-mind anorexia is just a dumbass.
i remember something my best friend dustin told me my freshman year: "if you are going to kill yourself, you might as well get a gun and point it to your head because everything else will just mess you up even more if you survive."
coming from my best friend who i loved and admired more than anyone, i was scared out of my mind. "was he just telling me to, what?"
four years now and it's the hardest thing i have to deal with.
anorexia is death.
anorexia can lead to death faster than one can imagine. two years of being a grand fucking dumbass and i have permanent damage to my heart, brain, lungs, liver, stomach and gi system. it's not a fucking walk in the park.
some say suicide is selfish, and it is, it doesn't take a psychologist to think of that.
no matter what anyone says, it's selfish, and so is anorexia.
when one is, they are slowly deterriorating themselves. a bunch of psychological bullshit. it's not even a disease, it's a disorder, meaning it's all in one's mind. there are no, i repeat no, physiological changes associated with anorexia.
it's just bullshit. something so easily someone can deal with. yeah, easily. choosing to live, choosing to cherish the ones that love them.
and don't give me that society peer pressure bullcrap.
it's all the same.
what's different is taking care of one's self. eating right. loving one's self.
it can't be that difficult.
all this jungian psychology bullshit. people just...it seems like everyone creates their worst enemy that is far worse than anything that really exists. they learn up something and they let it get to them. placebo effect.
and to the bulimics, there is no grander state-of-mind than thee. see, one breaks down carbohydrates in the physical breakdown of food. most of the calories are absorbed here. in digestion, most of the nutrients are absorbed. you take in calories, but you lose the nutrients when it comes out of you.
just get help. there are wonderful nutritionalists, psychiatrists, therapists, and counselours out there that are willing to help. anorexia is one of the most hardest "addictions" to overcome. and it's one of the most dangerous disorders. i forget the statistics off the top of my head, but i think it is 8 out of 10 anorexic patients walk out with serious damage. and for those that go through long periods of the disorder it's about 78% fatal. that's a pretty big number.
i was on that hospital bed. it's easy to find yourself there, or even weak enough to be in one.
it's not fun having a doctor or surgeon telling you your intestine is collapsing on it's self.
oh goodness.
you're living right now. so just take care of yourself. it's not like you can't. and if you really didn't want to, you'd be dead.
update:
e-ching, frued, emerson, the bible, whatever it is, religion, psychology, science; there is always something to prove that the antagonist to the human condition is coexistance; meaning that we each need each other to survive. that was simple. it is only part of us. we have to depend on others to survive, a whole chain of others. and like a chain, each person is an important part of it, a link. if one link is gone, the chain can be altered, but it will lack sufficiency. the chain is better left in it's entirety. that's how we were built no matter what aspect one looks at it. faulkner, hemmingway, achebe, shakespeare, salinger and many others wrote that misery, loneliness and despair are just part of the human condition, and proved their point through their bildungromans in their literature. not only that, but the charactors also demonstrated how fundamental it is that humans need each other for encouragement and support. in the bible, many begot their former to become stewards and workers in their walk. it was a whole chain of people that begot one another to lead to a better life. theifs, whoremongers, youbeit, they were there and each person had their vital role. and in neuroscience, researchers have spent years researching human dna to simply discover that we need the touch, feel, and even closeness of another person to live healthily. i have about thirty-two copies of case studies i've borrowed from the department head of my local university that prove so. it's just in our dna, it's what makes us. we need others. it's selfish to deprive anyone of anything we can give them.
curiosity finds me to ask what others feel about suicide. please leave a comment by the link below.