2004-12-08 - 11:37 p.m.
family complain week
i know i shouldn't complain, especially about my family, but i need to get it out of my system.
see, i have this sister, we'll call her ophelia.
ophelia is a huge pain in my ass.
ophelia worked as a teenager. her first job was at twelve. ophelia worked full time and went to school full time.
i turn 18 in two months to the day. i train as a cna for free. i volunteer at the rescue mission for free. i don't make money. and i don't go to school full time.
despite the fact that i have six college credits and am enrolled in my seventh, i still do not have a real job and i'm not at school like i should, or something.
i didn't know working as a dishwasher in a chinese restaurant was harder than giving a 300 pound man a shower by myself. i've gotten swat at, pinched, spit and yelled at but damn, nothing compares to cleaning rice stuck to a plate.
and ophelia wants me to get a full-time job, but ophelia doesn't want me to work because i won't be able to babysit her kid.
and ophelia thinks i have it so easy like i'm not struggling so hard to do right, like i'm not working to become a better person.
and ophelia dropped out of college not because she was failing or because she couldn't find a way to pay for schooling, but because she was lazy...
and she was sloppy as a teenager.
but it's horrific that i am.
i know it's one of my bad habits, but i have parents to breathe down my own neck. i do not need her to do it for them.
and she is two-faced. whenever i try to rationalize with her, to nicely point out she contradicts herself, especially with how she thinks i need a job but i also need to have her babysitting job as my first priority, she seems like she understands. she seems to empathize with me.
she tells all this stuff to my mom. the stuff about me not working and blah blah blah
and how i have it easy.
my mom and she are buddies. they talk on the phone every day. i'm not my mom's closest, or maybe even perhaps her best since i won't marry for money and status. my mom and she are buddies.
it's they.
she's going through a hard time right now. i need to understand that.
but gawd, she's crazy sometimes. she drives me insane.
but i guess that's what sisters are for.
and i know i don't portray the best charactor sometimes, but i never said i would be perfect. i just want to be accepted for atleast who i'm struggling to be.