2004-12-07 - 11:43 p.m.
this is what i need
you can scream your lungs out all you need
shine on me
your condescending eyes
but you'll never see
i can live my own life
and i can
make my own decisions.
if i screw up, oh well, such is life.
i know just want to protect me from all the harm of the world
but i need to grow up on my own
or else i'll never learn how to survive
i'll succeed
but you have to believe in me.
sometimes i feel very frustrated by you
and all the stupid things you do.
i do not like to spend time with you.
but i need to love with
it's just that we're not the most agreeable of sorts.
and you hate him and that makes me despise the part of you that discrimates this wonderful boy
and all the wonderful things he does for me.
why must you feel so vapid in that part of your soul?
you can't live vicariously through me.
i have to live my own life.
i'll never be in the situation you were.
and i'm sorry i'm not a genius like you
and i'm sorry i grew up with my grandparents
and i'm sorry i learned to love them more than you.
and i'm sorry i don't know everything like you.
sorry i'm stupid and i make mistakes
and i'm not going to end up in a loveless marriage like my sisters.
sure, they married the right guys as far as wealth and status go,
but i don't want that.
i don't need that.
i only want true happiness.
not what you think is right for me.
jennifer is so miserable with ben.
i hate to hear christy cry on the phone with mel yelling at her on the other end.
and kim is obvious not doing that great either.
they only one that is doing well is anhie. but she married for love and happened to find a wealthy man.
it was a coincidence.
will you ever understand
i'm the only one that will go to college and graduate
i'm the only one that will stand up for what i think is right
i'm the only one that is not going to grow up with regrets
i need support.
but you are just making things harder for me.
challenges are always nice.
but i don't think i need to win your approval.
i don't think i need to win anything with you,
i'm your daughter, and i just need some validation that i can choose my own choices.
i'm not little any more.
gawd, i hope i can get a full ride at oregon state.
that would be nice. nine hours a way from home.
i'll send a card.