2004-09-12 - 9:32 p.m.
you are what dreams are made out of, if only dreams could be reality
i went back to sleep after i wrote my last entry earlier today.
i woke up around one, missing church. i then tried to complete some correspondence to feel like i accomplished something, but my head hurt so much i couldn't even concentrate.
i fell back asleep around four.
since i've awoken from my nap, i've called cl three times.
i know, i know. i shouldn't have.
i shouldn't have made any initiative to communicate with him unless he asked me to.
i'm leading him on to thinking that i don't really want to be apart from him. i'm leading him on to think that i still care...and maybe i do.
but then i have to remind myself of how i've been trying to break up with him all summer,
and how i've met someone fantastic.
and about that boy, hahaha, i've realized he dances around my thoughts every time my head hits the pillows.
i remember last night, my body was surging to stay asleep, surging to stay with him.
all i have is my dreams, and it's really not fair.
troy ________, i wish i had never met you.