Apr. 26, 2005 - 15:03
two hundred eighty-one
so this is how it goes...
i'm driving west on interstate 94, the window's down, the music, blaring. i'm dazing out at the toxic orange sunset and wearing my heart on my sleeve, literally, i'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
the day before i took a black pen and fauceted a heart on the left sleeve of my polo shirt. painfully, artistically, i don't know what i was thinking. i was bored and lonely. it's amazing what loneliness can do to a person.
i still have this shirt somewhere in the back of my closet. it's plain white with an inate scrawl of black ink adorning it, resembling nothing of a heart, but more of idiocity and emptiness...
i was driving toward the end of the sunset, the oregon coast. i was hoping that somehow, maybe if i could find myself at Aric's doorstep,
or maybe even hike the same hills by the beach or run my toes through the sand again and suddenly gain some sort of magical revalation or assurity that i was desparatly seeking.
and it was october. october is a month of ghosts from boyfriends past and depression as anniversaries follow in solitude.
october was the month Aric and i shared so many evenings camping by the surf, exploring the pine filled hills, and ridiculously attempting to windsurf.
i look down at the spedometer.
95.
so there i was, driving 95 mph throughout oregon, with a black ink heart drawn into my sleeve, searching for some sort of an answer...if this isn't insanity, tell me what is.
ps, there's a prom picture on the previous entry.